Chapter 4
It wasn't so bad, being broken up, that is. We managed to kind of...be friends anyways, despite it all. I guess it seemed kind of weird, but it would have been worse to lose a friend, right? Well, the day after he broke up with me, he asked if I wanted to come over and watch a movie. I said sure. It was really awkward, though, I should never have said yes. We didn't really watch the movie-- just kind of talked a bit and stuff. I don't think either of us really wanted to be around one another. Once the movie was over, I went back to my apartment. I cried. It had been rough, seeing him like that, not being able to hug him, to kiss him.
A week or so went by-- maybe a week and a half. Either way, our friend Sadie was having a birthday party. Of course we were both going. In fact, we went together, despite still being broken up.
Now, I don't really drink that much, don't find much enjoyment in it. Just headaches. So I wasn't drinking. I had a sip or two of something, but mostly, I just sat around looking like a weirdo as the only one not drinking.
I was sitting on the couch next to Todd-- did I mention his name was Todd? I guess I missed that. Kind of important. Anyways, his name was Todd and now you know. I didn't know most of the other people very well, if I knew them at all. And, being shy as I was, I was't interested in meeting them. At all. So I just stuck with what I knew, who I knew. Now, Todd was drinking. A lot. He was getting pretty drunk-- I'd never seen him drunk before. He was getting friendlier and friendlier. It was like he'd forgotten that he'd broken up with me. Not that I really minded, considering I was still pining for him like a loser.
We left pretty early, all things considered. The party was still raging, anyways. Since I was sober, I walked Todd back to his place-- I wanted to make sure he got there safe. I still cared about him, after all. I got him all the way up to his room, no major problems. Then he started saying things. Thing about me, about us. And, well, one thing led to another, and next thing I knew, we were banging.
It wasn't so bad, being broken up, that is. We managed to kind of...be friends anyways, despite it all. I guess it seemed kind of weird, but it would have been worse to lose a friend, right? Well, the day after he broke up with me, he asked if I wanted to come over and watch a movie. I said sure. It was really awkward, though, I should never have said yes. We didn't really watch the movie-- just kind of talked a bit and stuff. I don't think either of us really wanted to be around one another. Once the movie was over, I went back to my apartment. I cried. It had been rough, seeing him like that, not being able to hug him, to kiss him.
A week or so went by-- maybe a week and a half. Either way, our friend Sadie was having a birthday party. Of course we were both going. In fact, we went together, despite still being broken up.
Now, I don't really drink that much, don't find much enjoyment in it. Just headaches. So I wasn't drinking. I had a sip or two of something, but mostly, I just sat around looking like a weirdo as the only one not drinking.
I was sitting on the couch next to Todd-- did I mention his name was Todd? I guess I missed that. Kind of important. Anyways, his name was Todd and now you know. I didn't know most of the other people very well, if I knew them at all. And, being shy as I was, I was't interested in meeting them. At all. So I just stuck with what I knew, who I knew. Now, Todd was drinking. A lot. He was getting pretty drunk-- I'd never seen him drunk before. He was getting friendlier and friendlier. It was like he'd forgotten that he'd broken up with me. Not that I really minded, considering I was still pining for him like a loser.
We left pretty early, all things considered. The party was still raging, anyways. Since I was sober, I walked Todd back to his place-- I wanted to make sure he got there safe. I still cared about him, after all. I got him all the way up to his room, no major problems. Then he started saying things. Thing about me, about us. And, well, one thing led to another, and next thing I knew, we were banging.
* * * * *
I felt awful having slept with Todd while not in a relationship with him. It just wasn't me, not something I would have done. Except I did, and I am pretty sure it's because of him. After that, I kept spending a lot of time with him, but he seemed to regret sleeping with me that night even more than I regretted it. He was giving me the cold shoulder, basically, and it hurt, especially after that night.
There was a new guy living down the hall. His name was Jeff, and, honestly, he was pretty cute. Funny, too. I spent a lot of time with him, just chatting, really, while I was at Todd's dorm. I ended up having to spend the night a couple of times-- it snowed like crazy and no one could really get out. Classes had even been cancelled, which was insane, which meant it was too dangerous to walk the five blocks back to my own apartment. So I stayed. Working out in the common room, I got to talking with Jeff, and before I knew it, it was pretty late. Todd had gone to sleep and locked me out of the room, so I was on my own. I tried to sleep in the common room on the couch, but it was freezing out there, so I really didn't get much sleep.
Before long, it was Valentine's day. It had been about three weeks since Todd had broken up with me, but I was feeling fine. I was actually finally moving on. I think it was talking to Jeff that did it. He was just so nice and great to talk to. Actually, it was Valentine's day that he asked if I wanted to go ice skating with him the following Sunday. Of course, I said yes-- I freaking loved ice skating! I had been wanting to go since it had gotten cold enough for it. I was really looking forward to it. At the time, I didn't even think of it as what it probably was intended to be: a date.
That Saturday, I was chilling at Todd's dorm again. I told him that I was going to be going ice skating the following day with Jeff. His face darkened, and it's really difficult to describe what it was like. It was almost instant, and a little frightening. It was like he was super pissed at me for something. He explained about how Jeff was this major douchebag and some other stuff. I tried to tell him it wasn't a date-- I really didn't think it was-- I tried to tell him I'd cancel, but he stayed pissed, and I had no idea why. I didn't know what to do.
Todd slipped off his bunk to the floor, grabbed a jacket and just left. Just like that. I was freaking out. It was literally freezing outside. I called one of the girls who lived down the hall that Todd and I had befriended earlier in the year. She did what she could to comfort me, but it didn't seem like she really knew what to do either.
Eventually, with me crying on the floor and her sitting in Todd's desk chair, comforting me, Todd came back, still looking upset. She got up and left. He told me I shouldn't have let her sit in the chair-- that I shouldn't have been on the floor like I was. He still sounded just as angry. He explained that he almost didn't come back, that he'd considered staying out in the cold, letting himself die of hypothermia. That just made me cry all the more. We kept talking, I canceled the "date" with Jeff, who never talked to me again after that, really. But more importantly, Todd and I were back together.
I felt awful having slept with Todd while not in a relationship with him. It just wasn't me, not something I would have done. Except I did, and I am pretty sure it's because of him. After that, I kept spending a lot of time with him, but he seemed to regret sleeping with me that night even more than I regretted it. He was giving me the cold shoulder, basically, and it hurt, especially after that night.
There was a new guy living down the hall. His name was Jeff, and, honestly, he was pretty cute. Funny, too. I spent a lot of time with him, just chatting, really, while I was at Todd's dorm. I ended up having to spend the night a couple of times-- it snowed like crazy and no one could really get out. Classes had even been cancelled, which was insane, which meant it was too dangerous to walk the five blocks back to my own apartment. So I stayed. Working out in the common room, I got to talking with Jeff, and before I knew it, it was pretty late. Todd had gone to sleep and locked me out of the room, so I was on my own. I tried to sleep in the common room on the couch, but it was freezing out there, so I really didn't get much sleep.
Before long, it was Valentine's day. It had been about three weeks since Todd had broken up with me, but I was feeling fine. I was actually finally moving on. I think it was talking to Jeff that did it. He was just so nice and great to talk to. Actually, it was Valentine's day that he asked if I wanted to go ice skating with him the following Sunday. Of course, I said yes-- I freaking loved ice skating! I had been wanting to go since it had gotten cold enough for it. I was really looking forward to it. At the time, I didn't even think of it as what it probably was intended to be: a date.
That Saturday, I was chilling at Todd's dorm again. I told him that I was going to be going ice skating the following day with Jeff. His face darkened, and it's really difficult to describe what it was like. It was almost instant, and a little frightening. It was like he was super pissed at me for something. He explained about how Jeff was this major douchebag and some other stuff. I tried to tell him it wasn't a date-- I really didn't think it was-- I tried to tell him I'd cancel, but he stayed pissed, and I had no idea why. I didn't know what to do.
Todd slipped off his bunk to the floor, grabbed a jacket and just left. Just like that. I was freaking out. It was literally freezing outside. I called one of the girls who lived down the hall that Todd and I had befriended earlier in the year. She did what she could to comfort me, but it didn't seem like she really knew what to do either.
Eventually, with me crying on the floor and her sitting in Todd's desk chair, comforting me, Todd came back, still looking upset. She got up and left. He told me I shouldn't have let her sit in the chair-- that I shouldn't have been on the floor like I was. He still sounded just as angry. He explained that he almost didn't come back, that he'd considered staying out in the cold, letting himself die of hypothermia. That just made me cry all the more. We kept talking, I canceled the "date" with Jeff, who never talked to me again after that, really. But more importantly, Todd and I were back together.
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