"I almost got a kitten today." The woman's voice broke the silence of the living room. Setting down her keys, phone, and wallet, she walloped onto the couch with a sigh. "It was just so dang cute! But it had the feline version of HIV."
"Oh? So it's a good thing you didn't get it, then."
"What? Why would you say that?! That poor kitten needs someone to love it! Needs a home!"
"It's just heartbreak waiting to happen. I mean, honestly. How long does it really have to live?"
"That's beside the point. It deserves to be someplace nice, with people who love it! It's just a kitten, after all."
"So you'd rather have a cat for a short period of time than a cat that you know is going to be healthy and could potentially stay with you the rest of your days?"
"That's not what I said. But it was so cute! And it was abandoned! And, oh, my heart just went out to the poor thing! It just needs some love... Maybe I will get it after all."
"Or-- or. You could not get it and not worry about all the vet bills and trying to keep it alive even when it wants to die. And you won't have to get your heart broken by a dying cat. How 'bout that?"
"That just sounds plain evil."
"It's not evil. It's realistic."
"How do you know it's going to die so early, though? You can't possibly know that."
"It's just a hunch. I mean, you did say it had the cat version of HIV. That sounds pretty bad, if you ask me."
"Well, I didn't ask you!"
"Well, I'm not the one arguing aloud in an empty room."
"I-- Oh." The woman stopped and looked around, slowly realizing she had just had a fight with her own thoughts. And quite loudly.
"Besides. You know I'm right about the cat. It'll just die, and you'll be heartbroken. And you can't even afford to take care of it, anyways."
"I suppose you're right... I'll have to wait until another day to get a kitten. That poor baby... I hope someone gives it a good home." Fiddling with the hem of the blanket that hung limply over the back of the couch she was sitting on, the woman sighed shallowly. The sound of a door opened came from behind her, and her roommate stepped out into the living room.
"Hey, you talkin' to someone?"
"Nah. You must've been hearing things." She smiled delicately as her roommate shambled back into his room, shrugging off the talking he'd heard as a dream. "I really have to stop talking to myself out loud..."
Thursday, August 28, 2014
Tuesday, August 26, 2014
Writing Doodle 001 - War
They made it look so simple-- the movies and television shows she'd seen as a kid. It was just BAM!, and it was done. Just like that. So simple. It didn't feel that simple now. Not even close to simple. Her heart was racing in her chest, hammering so hard she was sure it was going to kill her before she even got the chance to try. Pupils dilated with terror, she took in a long breath, steadying her hands. Fear embraced her in chilling arms.
C'mon, c'mon. You can do this, Girl. You got this. Just one quick BAM!, and it's all over. It'll be dead.
Dead. DEAD. The word pounded in her head over and over and over. It was going to be either her, or it. It was supposed to be easy. Everyone always made it sound so easy, taking another creature's life. But she just couldn't do it. It was too big. And she would have sworn that it was staring her down, ready to jump at her at the slightest provocation.
JUST DO IT, GIRL! STOP BEING SUCH A CHILD!!
At the last moment, she closed her eyes. Closed her eyes and swung. The shoe hit the wall with a loud CRACK! Peeling one eye open, she dared a glance at the wall. She couldn't see it. Cautiously, she lifted the shoe away from the wall. There it was, a horrific smear of legs and blood on the otherwise pristinely white wall. But she had done it.
She had killed the spider.
C'mon, c'mon. You can do this, Girl. You got this. Just one quick BAM!, and it's all over. It'll be dead.
Dead. DEAD. The word pounded in her head over and over and over. It was going to be either her, or it. It was supposed to be easy. Everyone always made it sound so easy, taking another creature's life. But she just couldn't do it. It was too big. And she would have sworn that it was staring her down, ready to jump at her at the slightest provocation.
JUST DO IT, GIRL! STOP BEING SUCH A CHILD!!
At the last moment, she closed her eyes. Closed her eyes and swung. The shoe hit the wall with a loud CRACK! Peeling one eye open, she dared a glance at the wall. She couldn't see it. Cautiously, she lifted the shoe away from the wall. There it was, a horrific smear of legs and blood on the otherwise pristinely white wall. But she had done it.
She had killed the spider.
Tuesday, August 19, 2014
A Love Story: Chapter 2
Chapter 2
For the first two weeks we were together, we could hardly keep our hands off one another. Too bad the second week of our relationship was move-out. Near the end of the week, my mother showed up-- she called me in the middle of an intense make-out and I had to scramble to look presentable, and like I hadn't just almost had my clothes off. It was the furthest I had ever gone with anyone, and it had been exhilarating. Not to mention the adrenaline that was rushing when my mom called. But it was all fine. We didn't get caught or anything like that. It was just exciting in its own way.
So I went home with my mom-- another ten hour car ride. I told her almost everything in a way that-- looking back on it-- seems so typically teenager. "So, Mom. I, uh, I have a boyfriend now. Like, for real. It's kinda cool, I guess." It wasn't awkward until I asked about birth control. To be honest, I don't think it was really that awkward on her end-- she was probably glad I was asking about it rather than risking anything-- but it felt totally awkward on my end, that's for sure. Either way, she said we could make an appointment with the doctor when I got home and all that.
For the first two weeks we were together, we could hardly keep our hands off one another. Too bad the second week of our relationship was move-out. Near the end of the week, my mother showed up-- she called me in the middle of an intense make-out and I had to scramble to look presentable, and like I hadn't just almost had my clothes off. It was the furthest I had ever gone with anyone, and it had been exhilarating. Not to mention the adrenaline that was rushing when my mom called. But it was all fine. We didn't get caught or anything like that. It was just exciting in its own way.
So I went home with my mom-- another ten hour car ride. I told her almost everything in a way that-- looking back on it-- seems so typically teenager. "So, Mom. I, uh, I have a boyfriend now. Like, for real. It's kinda cool, I guess." It wasn't awkward until I asked about birth control. To be honest, I don't think it was really that awkward on her end-- she was probably glad I was asking about it rather than risking anything-- but it felt totally awkward on my end, that's for sure. Either way, she said we could make an appointment with the doctor when I got home and all that.
* * * * *
It was the third of July. I was sitting in the airport alone for maybe the second time. I was going back to the city to visit my boyfriend of almost one month for the Forth of July. It was going to be amazing, I was 100 percent sure.
For the first night, I watched him play World of Warcraft. He was raiding with his guild. In the meantime, I downloaded the game onto my laptop-- he had just given it to me as a late birthday gift, and I was ecstatic. So I sat there, watching and waiting, but not really doing much else. Looking back, it wasn't the most exciting night, but at the time, I thought it was amazing. Everything was perfect as I looked at everything through rose-tinted glasses. When he was done raiding, his guild asked him if he was going to be around the next night. I felt my heart leap and my stomach flip as I waited for him to tell them that he wouldn't be able to because he was going to be spending time with his girlfriend, with me, that he was going to take me to see fireworks. Anything. Instead he told them he would probably be around. I felt my heart sink, but I smiled anyways, happy to get another chance to watch him play again the next night-- who really wanted to see fireworks on the Forth of July anyways?
Later that night, he asked about sex. My heart was pounding. I didn't know how to answer him. I hadn't even gone to the doctor to get a prescription for birth control yet. I wasn't ready, but I could tell that he was more than a little eager. I said no, but I made a joke about instead of raiding, maybe he'd be doing me instead. I don't think he found it very funny.
Most of the next day was spent around his house. Boring, regular day. Later, though, he took me to see the fireworks. That was all I had really wanted out of the day-- to see fireworks, and it was fantastic. We sat on the roof of his van together, watching with smiles on our faces.
On the ride home, I kept thinking about sex. With him. I kept wondering if I was supposed to be ready, or if it was okay that I wasn't. I knew he really wanted to do it, and I knew that if I didn't, I would lose him to raiding in World of Warcraft for the rest of the night and be left to entertain myself. Not that that was necessarily bad, but I had come down to the city to see him, to spend time with him, and I had expected him to treat our limited time together a bit differently. When we got back to his house, he went right for the computer-- he hadn't missed the raid yet, and was getting ready to join his guild. Desperate for his attention, I pulled him away, pulled him to the bed. With the lights off and a mostly dry condom covering him, I lost my virginity-- he did as well-- and God, did it hurt. I should have asked him to stop, should have told him how much it hurt, but I didn't. I just bit my lip and let him keep going. It might have been the longest two minutes of my life.
When it was over, I remember being afraid. There was so much blood. He didn't seem to think much of it, though. He went right back to the computer, though, he had missed joining the party for the raid. More importantly, since he wasn't making a fuss about the blood, I didn't either. I didn't even tell him that I was still bleeding the next day, and the day after that. In fact, I didn't stop bleeding for nearly a week. Most of that week was because I had gotten my period, but those first three days, that had been the scary part because that had not been my period. I never told him how scared I had been that something was wrong. I never told him that I hadn't been ready. I don't think I ever will.
I didn't even tell the doctor about the bleeding. By that time, I had gotten my period and was about to get a prescription for birth control. Of course, I said I was not sexually active-- I'd only had sex once, and wasn't about to for another couple of months at least, so how could I possibly be sexually active. It's a terrible term, if you ask me. Anyways, I started taking the pill the following Sunday, and luckily, the bleeding stopped as well.
It was the third of July. I was sitting in the airport alone for maybe the second time. I was going back to the city to visit my boyfriend of almost one month for the Forth of July. It was going to be amazing, I was 100 percent sure.
For the first night, I watched him play World of Warcraft. He was raiding with his guild. In the meantime, I downloaded the game onto my laptop-- he had just given it to me as a late birthday gift, and I was ecstatic. So I sat there, watching and waiting, but not really doing much else. Looking back, it wasn't the most exciting night, but at the time, I thought it was amazing. Everything was perfect as I looked at everything through rose-tinted glasses. When he was done raiding, his guild asked him if he was going to be around the next night. I felt my heart leap and my stomach flip as I waited for him to tell them that he wouldn't be able to because he was going to be spending time with his girlfriend, with me, that he was going to take me to see fireworks. Anything. Instead he told them he would probably be around. I felt my heart sink, but I smiled anyways, happy to get another chance to watch him play again the next night-- who really wanted to see fireworks on the Forth of July anyways?
Later that night, he asked about sex. My heart was pounding. I didn't know how to answer him. I hadn't even gone to the doctor to get a prescription for birth control yet. I wasn't ready, but I could tell that he was more than a little eager. I said no, but I made a joke about instead of raiding, maybe he'd be doing me instead. I don't think he found it very funny.
Most of the next day was spent around his house. Boring, regular day. Later, though, he took me to see the fireworks. That was all I had really wanted out of the day-- to see fireworks, and it was fantastic. We sat on the roof of his van together, watching with smiles on our faces.
On the ride home, I kept thinking about sex. With him. I kept wondering if I was supposed to be ready, or if it was okay that I wasn't. I knew he really wanted to do it, and I knew that if I didn't, I would lose him to raiding in World of Warcraft for the rest of the night and be left to entertain myself. Not that that was necessarily bad, but I had come down to the city to see him, to spend time with him, and I had expected him to treat our limited time together a bit differently. When we got back to his house, he went right for the computer-- he hadn't missed the raid yet, and was getting ready to join his guild. Desperate for his attention, I pulled him away, pulled him to the bed. With the lights off and a mostly dry condom covering him, I lost my virginity-- he did as well-- and God, did it hurt. I should have asked him to stop, should have told him how much it hurt, but I didn't. I just bit my lip and let him keep going. It might have been the longest two minutes of my life.
When it was over, I remember being afraid. There was so much blood. He didn't seem to think much of it, though. He went right back to the computer, though, he had missed joining the party for the raid. More importantly, since he wasn't making a fuss about the blood, I didn't either. I didn't even tell him that I was still bleeding the next day, and the day after that. In fact, I didn't stop bleeding for nearly a week. Most of that week was because I had gotten my period, but those first three days, that had been the scary part because that had not been my period. I never told him how scared I had been that something was wrong. I never told him that I hadn't been ready. I don't think I ever will.
I didn't even tell the doctor about the bleeding. By that time, I had gotten my period and was about to get a prescription for birth control. Of course, I said I was not sexually active-- I'd only had sex once, and wasn't about to for another couple of months at least, so how could I possibly be sexually active. It's a terrible term, if you ask me. Anyways, I started taking the pill the following Sunday, and luckily, the bleeding stopped as well.
* * * * *
About two months later, my mother and I drove down to the city again. This time, instead of going straight to Haskel, we went to his house. His mother was kind enough to let me stay there as a guest until move-in. She even helped me move in. She was always such a wonderful woman. Of course, she still is! But it was just so kind of her to let me stay there for what felt like at least a week before moving in to my new housing down there. It was a lovely time-- she even took me and my mother and her son (my boyfriend) out to dinner while we were all there.
Of course, once my mother left, and his mother went to work, we were left alone in the house. We had already had sex once, so there was an expectation that I would do it again. The pressure was brutal, but I pushed it away, telling myself that I would have fun and enjoy it. So we did it again. And again. And again. We even did it in a dressing room. I felt so dirty and awful afterwards, though. I really wished we hadn't, but there was no changing the past. The least I could do was buy the clothing I was pretending to try on.
I had forgotten how much it had hurt that first time. I remembered pretty quickly considering it hurt every time. Not for the whole time, mind you, but it always hurt at first. It made me nervous, but I didn't know who to ask about it, so I kept it all to myself.
But it wasn't so bad. At least, it wasn't bad then, aside from the pain, that is. I had convinced myself nothing was wrong and that I was having so much fun. In some sense, I was, but maybe not in the sense that I should have been. But that's not important. What's important was the night before I was going to be moving. I had wanted-- had expected-- to be spending some alone time with my guy. Maybe watch a movie and eat some popcorn, cuddle on the couch... But he had other plans. He and his friends intended to pull some elaborate prank at his friend's work. I went with them at first, but when it looked like it wasn't going to happen, we went home. He played a game while I watched some television, but it wasn't long before he got the call. They were back on. He asked if I wanted to come along, but I decided I was too tired, so I said no. I fell asleep, and the next thing I knew, he was back, panting and sweaty, but with a grin on his face. They had succeeded.
Of course, with his adrenaline and his mood up, he wanted something from me. First there was some kissing, which led to making out, which, very shortly, led to some painful sex. I was still convincing myself that it was something amazing and that I was enjoying every minute of it, of course. After re-dressing, we fell asleep. In a few short hours, I was moving into my new apartment at Haskel and everything was going swimmingly. I was on top of the world and was so sure nothing could bring me down.
About two months later, my mother and I drove down to the city again. This time, instead of going straight to Haskel, we went to his house. His mother was kind enough to let me stay there as a guest until move-in. She even helped me move in. She was always such a wonderful woman. Of course, she still is! But it was just so kind of her to let me stay there for what felt like at least a week before moving in to my new housing down there. It was a lovely time-- she even took me and my mother and her son (my boyfriend) out to dinner while we were all there.
Of course, once my mother left, and his mother went to work, we were left alone in the house. We had already had sex once, so there was an expectation that I would do it again. The pressure was brutal, but I pushed it away, telling myself that I would have fun and enjoy it. So we did it again. And again. And again. We even did it in a dressing room. I felt so dirty and awful afterwards, though. I really wished we hadn't, but there was no changing the past. The least I could do was buy the clothing I was pretending to try on.
I had forgotten how much it had hurt that first time. I remembered pretty quickly considering it hurt every time. Not for the whole time, mind you, but it always hurt at first. It made me nervous, but I didn't know who to ask about it, so I kept it all to myself.
But it wasn't so bad. At least, it wasn't bad then, aside from the pain, that is. I had convinced myself nothing was wrong and that I was having so much fun. In some sense, I was, but maybe not in the sense that I should have been. But that's not important. What's important was the night before I was going to be moving. I had wanted-- had expected-- to be spending some alone time with my guy. Maybe watch a movie and eat some popcorn, cuddle on the couch... But he had other plans. He and his friends intended to pull some elaborate prank at his friend's work. I went with them at first, but when it looked like it wasn't going to happen, we went home. He played a game while I watched some television, but it wasn't long before he got the call. They were back on. He asked if I wanted to come along, but I decided I was too tired, so I said no. I fell asleep, and the next thing I knew, he was back, panting and sweaty, but with a grin on his face. They had succeeded.
Of course, with his adrenaline and his mood up, he wanted something from me. First there was some kissing, which led to making out, which, very shortly, led to some painful sex. I was still convincing myself that it was something amazing and that I was enjoying every minute of it, of course. After re-dressing, we fell asleep. In a few short hours, I was moving into my new apartment at Haskel and everything was going swimmingly. I was on top of the world and was so sure nothing could bring me down.
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