Sunitha's Journal: Love

Falling for someone is much different than I ever thought it would be. It always sounded like something beautiful, something to look forward to. I did not think it would be like this. Not like this at all. I remember the first time I thought I was in love. Kevin. That was his name. It was my first year at university. I didn't think he could ever like someone like me, but he did. I can remember our first date as though it were yesterday. It was the first date I had ever been on. I should like to blame my older brothers for that. But I really thought I loved Kevin. I always felt nervous around him. That was what love was supposed to be, right? Butterflies in your stomach, weak knees. Nervous. And that was exactly what he made me feel all the time. Nervous. Looking back, I can see that it wasn't love. It was anxiety. He made me feel like I was never good enough, like I might never be good enough. That is not love. That is not what love should ever be.

Love is supposed to be beautiful, that is what I have heard. Love should make you feel good. Not just about yourself, but about the person you love, about life. Love is difficult to explain and I'm butchering it here. I am certain no one will ever read this, but if someone ever does, I am sorry for my awful description of what love is, but I'm going to continue with it. Love is warm and soft and kind. It's joy and never worrying that you're making the wrong decision. It is not something you come across often. Nor is it something you come across easily. It takes time and effort.

This love, if you can call it that, that I feel is far from beautiful. It is wild, untamed, and generally speaking, ugly and brutish. Quinn Dwyer is not a man I should have ever fallen for. I never should have even looked his way. But I did. And I will not say it is a mistake because I do not feel as though I have made a mistake. If it is a mistake, it has been the best mistake of my life. Yes, helping him cost me a finger, but I still do not feel regret. Every now and then, when I look at him, I feel a strange sense of sorrow well up inside me. But then, when I really look at him, it all melts away like snow in springtime. Quinn is a man I should not love. He is a man I should not think about. There is something, though, about him that makes me unafraid. I feel warm when I am with him despite his general lack of warmth towards me.

If any of my brothers were to find out about Quinn, they would kill him. And then possibly me. Quinn is not a good man. I know this. It is difficult not to see that. But, I think, there is still something deep inside him that is good. Perhaps a shred of whoever he used to be, before he grew to be the man he is now. But I could be wrong. I  am crazy, after all. Crazy and broken. I do not want Quinn to know just how broken I am. I fear that should he find out that I am simply a shell of a woman, he will no longer wish to see me, no longer wish to be near me. I do not want to lose the one really good thing I have. Rory, if you ever see this, I am sorry. That probably sounded much like an insult, but I am incredibly grateful for the job you have given me, and it brings me great joy. That joy hardly reaches down into my broken soul, my broken mind, though, and I do wish to the Gods it reached deeper than it does.

 For now, I will hope. Hope that Quinn never learns that I am broken. I do not know if I can bear to be alone in this hateful world anymore. Not now that I feel something other than pain and sorrow. I am sorry. I don't know who I am apologizing to, but I am sorry. Sorry for sounding so much like a downer and so very emotional and unstable. I suppose this is where I put all of my instability so it does not interfere with my everyday life.

-Sunitha Singh, April 2371

Transition Poems 01

01

pure, white
unspoiled
perfect

warm, orange
new
exciting

together, no fear
friends
happiness

drifting, moving forward
progressing
forever

alone, white
colorless
apart

----------------------

02

apart from the world
it's all new, clean
is there a purpose?

near to the world
things are changing
color soils the world

color is the world
bring me color
and color my world

gone from the world
color has spoiled it all
now i miss it

-----------------------

03

nothing
this world is
empty
but pure and clean
untouched

purity fades
color
takes over
change
takes over

friendship
a dare
always so close

forever
forever

never really
apart

---------------------

04

set apart
drifting

a part
of me

a part
of you

always
together

apart but
always
a part

-------------------

05

a world so unaware
peaceful
and calm save the
ringing in my ears
to move on

-------------------

06

wandering aimless
in a world of white
unaware

a change
warm light, sound
something new

companion
warm and bright
forgot loneliness

adventures
drifting, exploring
a part of something

remember
a world of white
apart

Without Blue

Version 1

Without Blue

Without the silence of solitude
things are beginning to change

Without the distance between us
there is color in my world

Without loneliness
everything feels right

Without you
I feel I'm losing color

Without Blue

Snow In Spring

Version 1

Snow in Spring

Flowers blossomed
Warm and bright
Orange

The warmth melted
The snow
From the ground

It was a beautiful
Spring
Neverending

The orange flowers
Faded
Spring grew cold

Snow in Spring

Blue

Version 1

Blue

Without black, there is no white
Without light, there is no dark
Without evil, there is no good
Without friends, there are no enemies
Without cold, there is no warm
Without blue, there is no orange
Without you, there is no me

I never knew what blue was until you
brought the warmth of orange to my life

now that you're gone
the orange warmth is gone

I'm left cold

Blue

Distant

Version 1

distant

starting so far apart
we closed the gap, working together

together we were good
we had fun and we succeeded

i could feel the distance grow sometimes
but it always seemed to shrink again

you should be here now
but the distance has grown too much
and you're so far

distant

Breaking The Ice

Version 1

Breaking The Ice

how much does a polar bear weigh?
you laughed, and that was good enough for me.

how much does a polar bear weigh?
you stayed with me, that was better than before.

how much does a polar bear weigh?
stay with me through my ridiculous behavior

how much does a polar bear weight?
not enough to keep you

breaking the ice

Cold Feet

Version 1

cold feet

it never would have happened
without someone to help me along

never before did i realize
how much someone could mean to me

then someone mattered
and i couldn't imagine life without

but i got scared
it's my fault
i ran away

cold feet

Never Alone

Version 1

Never Alone

Content.
Content to be alone.
Never realized that I was lonely.

Light.
Color.
It was all so new and beautiful.
I would never be lonely.

Content.
Content to stay like this.
Loneliness wouldn't dare to touch us.

Dull
Lost
I never thought this would happen
You'll still be with me in my heart.

Never Alone.

Emptiness

Version 1

Emptiness

The void was filled
Nothing would ever
Destroy the happiness

Everything was perfect
Laughter and smiles
The world was full of color

Delicate and pure
Didn't last forever
Color changed the world

Cold and empty
The color was gone
What is left

Emptiness

Without

Version 1

Without

There you were
So happy-go-lucky

When we finally met
I knew I would never want to let go

The light was brought to my life
I have never known it was missing

Perhaps I took it for granted
I miss it now

Without

Apart

Version 1

Apart
 

And there you were.

You found me and I found you.
We need each other.

I enjoy your company
And I think you enjoy mine, too.


We can be friends forever.
Can't we?

Will you miss me?

Apart

Version 2

set apart
drifting

a part
of me

a part
of you

always
together

apart but
always
a part

True Blue

Version 1

True Blue

It was like winter
White and pure
Untouched

Suddenly there was warmth
And everything came to
Life

I never would have known
That the white
Was blue

Without having the warm
Orange
You brought to my life

The opposite is all
That is left
Now that you've gone

And I am left with
 True Blue

Sunitha - Who Is She?

personality

gentle

From a young age, Sunitha's gentleness was obvious. While other children fought with their siblings, Sunitha never did. Instead, she would scold them, tell them that hitting and yelling would solve nothing. Her parents often had to stifle laughter as their four-year-old daughter scolded her siblings. It didn't end there, though, oh no. If one of them got hurt, she took to caring for them instantly. Unless there was blood, in which case, she usually cried out for Mother. At the age of eleven, Sunitha found a kitten, abandoned, starving, barely able to move. It hissed at her, but Sunitha was determined to help the poor tiny thing. Finally, after what felt like forever, Sunitha carried the kitten home, cradled in her arms that were now covered in scratches and blood. Sunitha nursed the kitten back to health and it grew to love her. Her parents allowed her to keep the kitten on one condition: they would not be asked to help care for it. The kitten was named Shmi. Older now, Sunitha is still the same, gentle person. She doesn't believe in killing anyone--or anything, for that matter--out of spite, hate, malice. Honestly, she would prefer if there was no killing, period. Honestly, she can't fathom killing an insect, and doesn't care much for picking flowers, either.


understanding
While some people could do without Sunitha's gentleness, nearly everyone adores how understanding she is. She always listens and never judges. As far as she's concerned, everyone deserves her respect and kindness until they show her otherwise. Even when she disagrees with someone else's views, she still tries her hardest to understand how they see things, why they have that particular view. And, in most cases, she will not force her views onto others. That's just unfair, telling others their views are wrong just because she doesn't agree with them. Of course, there are some cases, such as killing off an entire species of aliens, where she will stand rigidly against those who oppose her views. Everyone deserves life.
determined
Sunitha's gentle nature sometimes works against her, but when she really believes in something, she stands strong. Sunitha knows when she wants something, and she knows how to fight for it. Of course, fight in the figurative sense-- she doesn't really do the whole violence thing. Perhaps a more suited term would be that Sunitha goes out and gets exactly what she wants when she knows she really wants it. Most of causes she fights for are social in nature, but there are occasionally some other things. One thing she was really determined to do was go to school. It was a privilege that, as the youngest child, and a female, she almost didn't get. After sending three other children through school, her parents were unsure as to whether they would be able to help their daughter with her schooling. Luckily for her, she got into a university with a full scholarship. It was her determination as a teenager that got her the full scholarship, and it would be her determination that would help her convince others that the aliens shouldn't all be killed.

history

india
2343, May. 97 degrees Fahrenheit. Sunitha Kartar Singh was born in the blistering heat of summer. Her mother had already had three other children, all boys. Though Sunitha's birth was simple, no complications, she was still the largest baby of the four. When she was pulled from the womb, she cried for only a few minutes. Once she was washed off and in the arms of her mother, the crying stopped. With her tiny fist, she rubbed her eyes and slept against her mother's bosom.

Sunitha was privileged as a child. Despite the many, many years of social restructuring and reformation, females in India still had lower literacy rates, though by very little, than males. Sunitha's parents where fairly well-off, though, and Sunitha was able to learn to read and write and even go to school. Determined to be a strong, self-sufficient person when she grew up, Sunitha worked hard at school, always striving to do better. She graduated from high school at the top of her class. With her outstanding marks, extra-curricular, and gentle personality, she got into every university she applied to. Only one gave her a full scholarship, though. That one was her top school, her dream school. She was going to be a nurse practitioner.

university
The United States was so very different from India. In all honestly, Sunitha wasn't sure if she even really liked it there. University was amazing, though, no doubt about that. She had made so many new friends and had learned so much, and it had only been a few years. Not to mention, she'd met a boy. The first boy she'd ever been interested in. He was so handsome with his striking blue eyes and messy light brown hair. She had only seen a handful of Americans before, but none of them were like him. He was tall, very tall, and lean. Then again, just about everyone seemed tall to a girl only five foot four. The point was that she fell hard and fast for this guy. He was her first everything. She thought it would last forever. Well, until she found him with another lady, that is.

He was her first heartbreak, but it was good for her, really. Sunitha focused herself on her path, determined to be the best goddamned nurse the school had ever seen. There were other guys who tried to get her attention, but they all failed. Sunitha was much to busy with her education to get distracted like that again. Besides, she couldn't risk losing her scholarship for some guy or other. Six years passed, and at the age of twenty-four, Sunitha graduated, a nurse practitioner, at the top of her class.

kirkland
Sunitha had found a job right after graduation. She worked at a small family medical center in a town called Kirkland in the state of Washington. It was so much different than any place she had been yet. It was cold, grey, and rainy almost all the time. It was rather unpleasant, but Sunitha loved her job. She got to help people young and old. This was truly where she belonged.

A year or so went by. Sunitha was living in a one-bedroom apartment alone. She had friends, and often had them visit her, but she sometimes felt a little lonely. She had achieved her career goals and was very well off, but there was more to life than this. Sometimes her mind would wander back to that time when she thought she was in love back in university. Sometimes she wished she could see him again. Other times she was glad she was rid of him. But it wouldn't be long before her life changed forever.
the attack
It was just a few months later, Sunitha was only twenty-five years old. She had been chatting with her parents who still lived in India. That was the last time she would ever see their faces. The earth felt like it was shaking more violently than any earthquake. The call was disconnected. Sunitha was cut off from her family, from the world. The apartment building was collapsing. Screams reached her ears from everywhere, but she could barely hear them over the ringing. Panic struck her as she hurried to take cover under something--anything.

The building was in pieces around her. Sunitha thanked the gods that she was still alive. Her bed had been strong enough to keep her safe from the falling chunks of building. Cautiously, Sunitha crawled out from her safe spot and rushed away from the rubble. If she wasn't safe, she wouldn't be able to help others. That had been engrained into her memory since her first year of university. She called out, asking if anyone else had survived. A hand seemed to be reaching out to her, but when she got there, no one was attached to it. Sunitha let out a scream, dropping the arm to the ground. Around her, the world was in ruins. She didn't know what to do. How could she help anyone if she didn't know what to do.

Her head moved around, taking in the sight of the devastation. What had caused so much death, so much destruction? Then she saw it. It was like nothing she had ever seen before in her life. It wasn't human. It wasn't an animal, either. Alien. The word popped into her head. At first, she couldn't believe it was real. She didn't even know if it was looking at her, but it felt like it was watching her. There were several others off in the distance, destroying lives, homes, everything. This one, though, stood and stared at her. Or maybe it had its back to her, Sunitha really couldn't tell, but she thought it was looking at her, studying her. Without warning, it began to move. Sunitha took a step back, fear filling her heart. The alien turned and walked away. She was mostly unharmed. Or maybe it had all been a dream.

Sunitha was one of the few to get out. She remembered an Alliance ship picking her up. She didn't remember where she even was. It must have been days, maybe even weeks, that she had been out there, wandering, hiding from attacks. She was sure the only reason they actually took her with them, though, was because she told them she was trained as a nurse practitioner. She could help the injured. It wasn't long before she was taken to Wisteria Colony on Cometra.

cometra
Being a refugee was different than living. It was like there were always people who looked at her with pity in their eyes. It made her feel uncomfortable at times. Then again, there were several people who looked at her as though she were one of the aliens and others who wouldn't make eye contact. Just because she didn't believe that the aliens should be hated and slaughtered. They deserved life, just as everyone else did. Besides, if that one had let her go, maybe they weren't even "bad." Sunitha felt like an outcast in the colony, but she never let it get her too down. Her determination to make others see that not all aliens could be bad kept her strong.

The worst part, though, was Devlin. He hated the aliens almost as much as she didn't. He was a thorn in her side and they were always butting heads. Maybe, if he wasn't always around, spouting filth about extermination, she would have gotten through to some people by now. If there was anything that could weaken her resolve, it was Devlin, but she would never share that secret. She wouldn't let him win.

Sunitha - Quinn

Sunitha had barely been able to keep the smile off her face as he had left her home.  He had been stuttering and unsure and it was just so adorable. But he had left. It was almost as if he had never been kissed by a girl he wasn't related to before. Or maybe it was because she had surprised him in a way he hadn't liked. She wouldn't put it past him. Heck, just about everyone in the colony hated her, so why not Quinn, too? Besides, if he had liked her, wouldn't he have kissed her back or something? Or maybe it really was that he was just nervous. Or crazy-- he had threatened her life after all.

After he had stepped out her door, she peered after him, watching him walk away with just the slightest hint of sadness on her face. After a minute or so, she shook her head and pulled herself back inside before anyone could catch her.

Empty. The shack was so very empty. And lonely. Sunitha had almost forgotten how lonely it could be having no one. Quinn, with his awful attitude and even worse behavior, had been a gift from the Gods, really. Something to remind her that not everyone truly hated her, that she could still help some people, that she wouldn't be alone forever even if it seemed like it right then. Now, though, she was alone. The shack was silent save for the sound of her own sigh as it slipped from her lips. Every once in a while the sink would clunk, but it was little comfort.

Brown eyes scanned the shack, taking in sight. So much had happened in just a few hours. There was some blood on the floor near the makeshift couch. She imagined there was probably some in the makeshift bed as well. It all needed to be cleaned up, that was for certain. Plus it would give her something to do. She was always looking for things to do on the days she didn't need to go out and buy food or supplies. Cleaning was more than welcome.

Tying her hair back after having slept on it, she was ready to get to work. She wet a towel and started on the floor. Scrubbing was repetitive, but it was still something. Sunitha went through the motions over and over. Her mind began to wander away from the state of the shack and back to the man who had just left her company. Quinn. She was finding it difficult to get him off her mind.

In truth, she probably should have hated the man. Sunitha was certain she was nearly incapable of hate, though. She simply cared about others too much and found too many reasons why she shouldn't hate them. Quinn was different. He had given her so many reasons not to like him. His bad attitude, his lies, the death threat. By all rights, she should honestly and truly hate him. But he was the first person in months who had shown up on her doorstep without ill-intent. He had actually needed her help. Her mind wandered to that moment when she opened the door and saw him standing there. Tall, gangly, red-haired, and pale. And bleeding. Couldn't forget the bleeding. He'd gotten shot in the shoulder and she had gone almost instantly into her professional self, doing what she needed to in order to help the man she knew absolutely nothing about.

The scrubbing stopped for a moment as she looked up at the ceiling, curiosity on her face. What had he been doing that he'd gotten a bullet to the shoulder? It seemed unlikely that she would ever find out. In fact, it seemed unlikely that she would ever even see the man again. The scrubbing resumed and her mind returned to its original conflict: why did she want to see him again?

In her head, she tried listing off the things that had made her stomach turn happily when he had been around. He was handsome, that was something. She recalled blushing when she had let her gaze linger on his bare chest for just a moment too long. The memory brought a warm tint to her cheeks and she scrubbed the floor a bit harder for it. The way he had wiped the blood off her elbow-- his touch in general. Could it just have been that she had been deprived of a kind touch? The way her heart fluttered at the memory, she doubted it, but it was still a possibility. The way he had seemed to care about her blanket that morning. It had been sweet, if he was even capable of such a thing.

Looking down at the floor where she had been scrubbing, she realized the towel had turned all pink from the blood. Now instead of cleaning, it was more like she was smearing the blood around. Frowning, she pushed herself up and threw the towel in the sink before grabbing a second one and going back to work on the floor.

Quinn was back in her mind. And she felt something she had not felt in some time-- worry. She was worrying about Quinn. Of course, after having him come to her doorstep with a bullet in his shoulder, how could she not worry about what might befall him next. Then it hit her, she really cared about this man. There was no explanation behind it, but it was there nonetheless. She wondered when it had started-- had it been when he'd gone crazy and tried to shoot her? Or had it been after that when he had been trying to hide his tears from her? Perhaps it had happened when he stopped acting gruff all the time and wiped the blood from her elbow. Sunitha didn't know and figured she never would actually figure it out.

Her mind went back to the floor. It seemed to be relatively clean now. She pushed herself up, away from where the stain had been. Thoughts of cleaning the makeshift bed were abandoned as she sat down, ready to write in her old diary about the man she had just met. The man who was not going to be leaving her thoughts anytime soon. Quinn.

Blue Springtime

Version 1

Blue Springtime

Blue was never so bad
On my own
You changed my world
With Orange warmth
It was as if the Blue never existed
I hope this Orange warmth
never goes away

I guess I didn't realize
When you started to slip away
And all the Orange warmth
Went with you
Now it's just

Blue Springtime

Blue in Springtime

Version 1

Blue in Springtime

Alone, the blue wasn't so bad.
I hardly even noticed.

When I met you
Everything started to change.
You brought warmth and happiness.

I realized how dull life had been
Without you
I never want to go back.

The warmth is slipping away
I don't want to go back.

Alone
The warmth is gone now

All I have is
Blue in Springtime

Sunitha - The Attack

A wide smile spread across the young woman's face as she laughed at something her parents had said. They had played a terrible joke on Samaah, telling him they had arranged his marriage years ago. As they recounted the story to Sunitha, she couldn't help but to laugh. The conversation turned to a discussion of an upcoming visit. Sunitha's parents were going to be leaving in less than a week to visit Sunitha. In the middle of the discussion, everything started going wrong. The ground started to shake. At first, it could have easily been mistaken for just a normal earthquake, but within a minute, it was more violent than any Sunitha had ever heard of before. With a terrified look on her face, she looked at her parents in the holo-chat once more. It was no longer than a second before the connection was lost. There was no time to explain to them what was happening, no time to say good bye, no time to say she loved them.

The building, her apartment building, was collapsing. Screams were coming from all directions. Some were loud and sharp, others were muffled and could barely be heard over the sounds of destruction. Panic settled in, and Sunitha looked around her small apartment with wide eyes. Her ears started to ring, blocking out all other sounds. She was terrified. With shallow breaths, she did her best to find something sturdy to hide under, to protect herself with.

Under the bed, Sunitha was breathing heavily, shallowly. She closed her eyes. It felt like she was spinning. Thoughts were racing through her mind faster than they ever had before. Her lips moved quickly as the words of an old prayer slipped out in her native tongue.

When she opened her eyes, the earth had stopped shaking so violently. But the world was in pieces around her, or so it seemed. Sunitha was lucky. She was alive. With still shallow breaths, she thanked the Gods as she struggled to free herself from her bed frame. It was a miracle that the bed frame had held up against the concrete, but it had done so nonetheless, and Sunitha was glad it had. Once she had crawled out from her hiding place, she rushed away from the rubble before turning back to look at what had once been her home. Besides, she needed to keep herself safe if she intended on helping others. There was no point in her getting herself injured because then she would not be able to do anything for anyone. It was a lesson she had learned early and heard often throughout nursing school.

"Hello?! Can anyone hear me?" Her voice was quivering, but there was a strange sort of confidence there as she yelled out towards the rubble. "Is there anyone in there?!" No one was answering. Not verbally, at least. A hand was reaching out to her. Breath stuck in her throat as she scrambled over the rubble as quickly and carefully as she could manage. It seemed like forever before she reached the hand. Someone else had survived. Sunitha pushed away her fear, her trembling. Now was not the time to be frightened. Now was the time to be brave, courageous. Someone needed her help, and help them she would. Sunitha gripped the hand as best she could, her fingers closing around it tightly. The flesh was still warm, still living. She could have sworn her had felt the fingers twitch, begin to curl around her hand. But when Sunitha began to dig the person out and pull on the hand, she found there was nothing attached. It was just a hand attached to a fair amount of forearm.

A scream tore from her body as she dropped the arm to the ground. Fear took over her again as her heart pounded wildly in her chest. Sunitha stumbled back, away from the rubble of her apartment building. She fell a few times, scraping up her legs, her arms. Her feet finally found ground. Real ground. Sunitha stood up and looked around. Ruin and devastation were all she could see. It was everything. Nothing seemed to still be intact, except her. She wondered what could have caused all of this. What would have caused so much death and destruction?

Then she saw it. It wasn't human. It wasn't an animal either. It was like nothing she had ever seen before. Alien. It was alien. An Alien.

It was all so surreal. A dream, maybe. With wide eyes full of terror, she stared at it. She couldn't be certain, but she was pretty sure it was staring back, watching her. Off in the distance, Sunitha could see more of them. Destroying things, killing people, as if it were their job. But this one, this one was standing right in front of her, looking right at her. Or maybe it had its back to her, Sunitha couldn't honestly tell. It was the first time she had ever seen anything like it before in her life.

And then it started to move, towards her at first, just a step. Sunitha stumbled backwards, tripping and catching her balance before she fell to the ground. Terror made her heart beat faster and faster. It almost hurt, her heart was beating so fast. This was it. She was going to die, she knew it. But then, it turned away. It walked away and left Sunitha standing there, unharmed. Or as unharmed as she could be.

Sunitha's heart slowed back down to a more normal pounding. Her breathing was fast, shallow, and raspy. It had to have been a dream. Maybe she had hit her head when the building had collapsed. She could not convince herself it was a dream, though. She was certain the Alien had let her live. Why her, she had no idea, but it had not killed her. It had not killed her. If this one had been willing to let her live, well, then, maybe there were others like it out there. Maybe they weren't all bad. Maybe they were being forced to attack, to kill.

Finally, she gathered her thoughts and collected herself and ran. She ran as fast as she could until she found another living person, a human. He was part of the Alliance and wanted nothing to do with her babbling about hands and aliens. He ushered her to the evac zone. There she calmed herself further and explained that she was a nurse, that she would be able to help with any injured or wounded. Sunitha was taken to Cometra, to New Earth, where she would treat the injured. She would start a new life there as a refugee. Too bad for her it started off poorly when she mentioned to someone that she didn't think all of the aliens should be killed, massacred. It all went downhill from there.

Sunitha - Fifteen

At the age of twelve, Sunitha's parents had thrown a party, a big celebration for little Sunitha becoming a woman. It was tradition. She had reached puberty and was given her first sari and presented as an adult now. It had been terribly exciting. But that was three years ago. Today, she was turning fifteen. Some hundreds of years ago, the tradition of celebrating a girl's fifteenth year had made its way to India. Sunitha's brother Samaah had insisted on throwing the biggest party for his little sister for her fifteenth, even if her parents were not so keen on the new tradition. They argued it was not necessary, she had already become a woman and did not need to have a second coming of age celebration. Samaah did not listen, to say the least.

When May 17 rolled around, Samaah burst into Sunitha's room almost as soon as the sun had risen. The sixteen-year-old all but jumped on his little sister. Suffice it to say, Sunitha had not been expecting the wake up call. She jumped, waking with a start and a scream. It only took a few moments to recognize it was her brother, though, and once she did, she grabbed her pillow and hit him playfully with the fluffy object. Samaah pulled her out of bed, explaining all the while that he was taking her out for her birthday. He didn't say where, just "out." Sunitha pulled on her favorite sari after washing up. Finally she was ready to go. She could not stop smiling as the excitement of a day out with her brother coursed through her.

It was only six hours later when he was dragging her home. Confusion barely started to cover how she was feeling. He had promised a whole day out, not less than half of a day. But she trusted her brother, following him blindly.

When they walked into the house, it was dark. Sunitha blinked against the darkness as her eyes adjusted. Turning to her brother, she had a knowing sort of look on her face. A surprise party. Or something along those lines. That was what this sort of thing always turned out to be. Samaah gave her a dorky sort of smile as he shrugged, flicking the lights on. Everyone jumped out shouting "Happy Birthday!" Some said it in English, others in Hindi. Either way, it was a wonderful sentiment. Dheeraj and Amar had even come home to visit, just for her birthday. The two of them swept up their baby sister and carried her, on their shoulders, into the next room.

Once her feet were on the floor once again, she threw her arms around each of them in turn, tears of joy running over her cheeks. Her parents, while they did not approve of the giant celebration, were glad to see their only daughter so happy.

The celebration lasted for four full hours. Dancing, games, food, it was everything she could have dreamed of and more. Her friends were all there, and some of them had brought her gifts. Some came with well wishes. Sunitha preferred the latter-- she never felt like she really deserved gifts from others, but she always appreciated them and accepted them with a grateful smile. Her mother even took part in the celebration, giving her the gift of a new sari. It was a beautiful sapphire blue, Sunitha's favorite color. The gold accents on the sari gave it an almost formal look. Sunitha loved the gift more than she could say. It was beautiful, it was perfect.

............................................................................................................

17 May, 2358

Dear Diary,

Today was my fifteenth birthday. Samaah took me out all morning, and we had a wonderful time! He even got me an ice-cream cone! I had expected to spend the entire day out with him, but he fooled me. We came home and everyone was waiting. I knew what was going on as soon as we came in. But, oh! It was a wonderful celebration. Nina was there! I was surprised to see her since she moved away five years ago. I was so overcome with happiness that I could hardly stop myself from crying. I did cry once or twice, but it was only because I was so happy. I cannot think of a day where I have ever been as happy as I have been today. This has been the best birthday, the best day. It will be difficult for anything to be better than today. 

I was given gifts. That was something I did not expect. I received some lovely chocolates and beautiful jewelry. But the gift from Mother was the best. A sari. Sapphire blue, my favorite color. When I opened it, I was shocked. I did not think she would get me something so beautiful. I did not think she would get me anything at all. But this sari. If I could wear it every day, I think I would. It is my favorite color. I love it so much. I think I am about to cry again, I am so happy.

....................................................................................................................

That night, long after the celebration had ended and everything had been cleaned up, Sunitha had fallen asleep with a grin on her face and the new sari in her arms. It had been an absolutely perfect day. When her mother came in to check on her, she only saw the same little girl who had been falling asleep with a stuffed bear in her arms just a few years ago. To her, Sunitha would always be a child, her baby. With an almost sad smile on her face, Sunitha's mother took the sari and draped it on a chair where it would not be ruined. With a kiss on Sunitha's forehead, her mother dimmed the lights and left her youngest to dream.

Sunitha - Betrayal

It April 17, and it was warm. The sun was shining and the sky was clear. It was an absolutely beautiful spring day. In just a month, it would be Sunitha's birthday. Already, Jenna and her other friends were planning something. Jenna had accidentally spilled the beans, but had managed to keep quiet on the details. Everything was practically perfect. With the sun and the warmth, it was really the perfect day to sit out in the park. Sunitha was doing just that. Jean shorts and a thin tee-shirt, her shoes discarded off to the side. The grass beneath her bare feet was soft. Kevin was going to be meeting her here in a few minutes. So she waited, laying down in the grass, smiling up at the sun as she shielded her eyes with her forearm.

Before long, Kevin was there, waking her from the nap she had fallen into. A grin spread across her face as she threw her arms around his neck. He picked her up, spun her around once. It was the kind of scene that made single girls act disgusted while filled to the brim with envy. Sunitha felt the earth beneath her feet once more as Kevin placed her down. The grass tickled lightly as she stood there, looking up at Kevin. She was only five foot four, very short compared to his six foot five. Kevin was tall and lean, but strong. She stood on her tip toes, stretching as high as she could, her hands on his chest for balance. He leaned down and met her waiting lips with his, but it wasn't the same. Something was different.

This kiss was an apology.

"Sorry, Sue. I can't go to dinner with ya tonight. Gotta stay in and study for my exam tomorrow. Not doin' so well in that class, y'know."

A sad smile on her lips, she nodded. It wasn't the end of the world. She would just have to face dinner with Jenna and her new boy-toy alone. Not that it would honestly be that bad-- Jenna had offered to pay for the dinner for Sunitha and Kevin since it was a celebration on her finding a new boy.

"Do not worry. I will stop by with some dinner for you on the way back." The smile was no longer sad. In fact, she was looking forward to spending some time alone with him.

"Thanks, Sue, but I need ta focus. Why don'cha stop over tomorrow instead, after I ace the exam." It was happening more frequently, his refusal to hang out with her. Sunitha was getting the feeling that something just wasn't right. Then again, it was her first relationship, and she was having all too easy of a time convincing herself this was normal. On her tip toes, she stretched again, hoping for one last kiss. Kevin leaned down and placed a delicate peck on her cheek before turning his back on her and walking off into the distance.

..............................................................................................

It was late. Much later than Sunitha had wanted to be coming home. Jenna had ditched her at the end of the night to go back to her new boy-toy's apartment. Sunitha was stuck walking back on her own. Something spurred her to stop by Kevin's on her way back. Maybe some spontaneity would do them some good. Not to mention a break would probably do him some good. Shivering against the cold night air, she pulled Kevin's sweatshirt closer around her body. It was huge on her, but she loved it. It showed the world she was his and that he liked her a lot, maybe even loved her.

Digging around in her purse she found the duplicate key Kevin had given her. Despite being a first year, he lived in apartment. It was on campus, though, so it made it easy to get to. Sunitha let herself in and walked up the steps. There were some loud noises--voices, banging-- coming from his room, and she wondered if maybe he had left the television on. It wasn't long before she was opening the door to his room, a bright smile on her face.

Her greeting died on her lips. The smile that had been there crumpled, her expression changed rapidly to one of confusion, hurt, and anger.

Kevin was with another woman.

Blonde, blue-eyed, tall. This woman was everything Sunitha wasn't. Kevin jumped from the bed, a look of surprise and horror on his face. Sunitha just stared at him, at his nakedness. He was talking, but she couldn't hear any of it. It was as if her heart had just been ripped apart. Tears welled in her eyes. She didn't understand. It wasn't like she didn't sleep with him-- she had given him her body many times. He had been her first. Now he was her first heartbreak.

Anger flared up as the tears started to fall. She tore his sweatshirt from her body and hurled it at him. The zipper hit him square in the face. Good. Maybe he would feel one millionth of the pain she was feeling. Sunitha never wanted to see him again. He had used her, used her body. The betrayal was the worst. How could he lie to her like that? Hadn't he known that he had meant everything to her? Somewhere in her rage, she had managed to yell at him that they were over.

Sunitha ran from the room, back down the steps and out the front door, leaving it wide open behind her. She didn't care. Honestly, she felt like she could die, felt like she wanted to die. Home was not going to be a comfort. It would be cold and empty. Jenna was with her boy. Sunitha ran to the bridge that crossed the river. She climbed the rail and let her feet dangle over the edge. The loss of her shoes meant nothing to her. They splashed into the river below and she realized just how easy it would be to let herself do the same.

But she wouldn't. She couldn't. Despite the pain, the heartbreak, she knew that this was good somehow. This would allow her to focus on her schooling, to keep her scholarship through outstanding grades. This would be good for her in the long run. Taking in a deep breath,  she turned as she heard someone shouting at her.

"Hey! Hey, Girl! Get down from there!" Sunitha waved the man over. Campus security. He ran to her, dropping his bike where he had been. She asked for his help, she didn't want to fall into the river. With a nod, the man helped her down from the rail, setting her bare feet on the cold, hard pavement of the sidewalk.

Thanking him with a smile, she headed home. Her broken heart was pounding in her chest. Her shoes were lost to the river. The cold bit at her skin now that she no longer had Kevin's sweatshirt to protect her from it. Half an hour later, her nose and cheeks red with cold, Sunitha curled up in her bed, hugged her pillow to her chest and cried until she fell into a dreamless sleep.

Sunitha - First Date

September 3, 2361

Dear Diary,

It is the first day of university. It is lovely here and I am so excited. There are so many new faces, so many diverse faces, and so many things to do. I do miss India terribly, though, and my family. Sam, Dheeraj, even Amar. Amar has been with the Alliance for some time now, though, and I am used to not seeing him frequently. Sam is the one I miss the most. Not because I love him more than the others, but because he was always there with me. He was, and still is, my dearest friend. He said he would visit. I am hopeful.

November 16, 2361

Dear Diary,

Everything has been great. The people are so welcoming and I have made so many new friends. More importantly, though I suppose that is debatable, I have met a boy. I have never felt this way about anyone before. This is all new. And it is a bit scary. I am certain he feels the same, though. He has asked for my company at the cinema this coming Friday. I feel giddy and I feel I am smiling when I should not. But it is a wonderful feeling. I would like to introduce him to Sam. I am curious to see what Sam would think of him.

................................................................................................................................

Sunitha had never before been on a date. She had never even been in a room alone with a boy who wasn't related to her. It had amazed her new friends when she had told them she had never been on a date, never kissed a boy. They seemed to think it had something to do with her having grown up in India. Sunitha was more or less convinced that it was because she had three older brothers who could easily have intimidated any boy who had even shown the slightest bit of interest in her.Not to mention Sunitha had never really been interested in kissing anyone she had met back in India. Not the way she wanted to kiss Kevin, anyways.

Kevin. He had caught her eye during the very first week of classes. It must have been the eyes. Everyone she had ever met in India had had brown eyes. Sunitha was so bored of blue eyes. She examined her own brown eyes in the mirror. Perhaps examined was the wrong word. Scrutinized was more like it. Kevin's eyes were strikingly blue and so beautiful. Hers were brown. Brown and dull and not pretty at all. Kevin. Kevin. Kevin. He was all she could focus on. The sound of someone calling her name drew her attention away from her thoughts of Kevin, of his beautiful blue eyes. Her name was called again, more urgently this time.

It was just Jenna, her roommate. Jenna was her closest friend at the school, and right now, she was very concerned with making Sunitha look damn sexy for her first date ever. She had even offered to let Sunitha have the room to herself for the night. At first, Sunitha hadn't understood the offer. When Jenna explained it, Sunitha turned a bright shade of red and refused.Sure, she had fallen hard and fast for the guy, but that didn't mean she wanted to bang him on the first date!

"C'mon Sue, just lemme put some blush on ya! You'll look soooo great!" Sunitha simply looked at her friend and shook her head no.

"Thanks, Jenna, but I would prefer if you stick with helping me dress." Moving over to the wardrobe, Sunitha threw open the doors. She had absolutely no idea what to wear. Was there a certain expectation? Was she supposed to dress nicely? Did she have to wear a skirt? That was where she needed Jenna. Jenna had been on tons of dates before.

"Fine. See if I ever help you with your dates again." Jenna rolled her eyes, but there was a grin on the American's face as she moved hastily over to the wardrobe. Clothes were flying all over the room. Sunitha ran around trying to save them all from the dirty floor. Soon enough, there was a large pile of clothing in her arms. She threw it over her bed as she heaved a sigh. When she turned around, Jenna was giving her that look.

"What...?" Skepticism was all over her face. Or maybe it was fear. Either way, she was preparing herself for whatever might happen next. Jenna grabbed Sunitha and all but ripped the clothing from her small frame. Sunitha let out a small shriek as she attempted to cover herself. She was unsuccessful. It was mere minutes before Sunitha was dressed in something she never would have chosen. A blue low-cut shirt that showed more than she wanted to show. Her shoulders were bare, and her shoulders were never bare. Paired with the low-cut top was a black skirt that stopped just short of her knees. As she looked at herself in the mirror, her cheeks flushed. She could not wear this out. No way. Jenna seemed to read her mind and handed her a black cropped sweater with two buttons. It didn't do much but cover her shoulders.

"Oh, Sue! You look so GREAT!" Jenna fawned over Sunitha, combing her fingers through the other girl's hair. "Please, please, pleease don't change! Kev's gonna fall so hard for ya if ya wear this!" Sunitha felt the blush on her cheeks flare up again, just when it had been dying down. Nodding silently, she smiled at Jenna before forcefully shoving her out the door. "Hey! Wait! No, I was gonna--" The words were cut off by the door slamming shut. Sunitha leaned against the door. It was nice to finally have the room to herself, even if she could still kind of hear Jenna yelling at her through the heavy door.

Scrutinizing herself in the mirror again, she pulled the top up as high as it would go without showing her stomach or feeling too uncomfortable. It wasn't very high. Frowning, she searched, digging through the mound of clothing on her bed. Jenna had sure made it difficult to find a scarf in this mess. It was hopeless. She only had ten more minutes before Kevin was going to be knocking on her door. Her stomach was doing back-flips. She moved over to the mirror, carrying a small bag of make-up with her. The eyeliner sat on top. With careful fingers, she reached down and picked it up. Placing the bag down on the nearest surface, she put on a thin black line of eyeliner. It did little for her brown eyes, but then, Sunitha never liked her eyes. They were just so dull. After the eyeliner was just right, she found the eyeshadow in her tiny make-up bag. Blue. It would match the outfit Jenna had put her in. Just a hint, though, she didn't want it to be overbearing the way Jenna liked to wear her make-up.

There. Perfect. Well, almost perfect. Everything looked great aside from her being, well, her. Sunitha frowned. Maybe Kevin was just using her, trying to get in her pants and then leave her when she wasn't good enough or willing enough. There was no reason why a handsome guy like him should even look at a plain, little Indian girl like her. Her heart was hammering in her chest as she looked down at her iX device. He would be here at any minute. Sunitha wanted to call him, call it off. She didn't want to go. She wanted to wrap herself up in her blankets and stay there for the rest of eternity.

Then there was a knock at her door. For several seconds, Sunitha just stood there, her eyes wide, her heart pounding. The sound of blood rushed in her ears and her mouth felt like it was full of cotton. No, she couldn't do this. She wasn't ready; she simply wasn't ready.

But she opened the door anyways, a nervous smile on her face. There he was, as handsome as ever in his jeans and plain old tee. She could feel his eyes on her, burning through her. His gaze, she knew, had lingered on that dip in her shirt just a little bit longer than was proper and her cheeks flared with color. Silently, he offered her his arm. With her smile growing, she looped her own arm through his. It was going to be a magical night.

Once Upon A Time

Once upon a time,
I loved you like I
Should. Then you
Changed and
Everything
Changed with you.
The Changes were
scary and unwelcome,
Unwanted.

What I wanted was for
Everything
to Change.
Change back to how it
used to be,
When you loved me.
When you really,
truly
Loved me.

Did you ever really love me?

Was it all just some joke?

Now you're gone and it's
All over.

And Once Upon A Time
is long, long gone.

Afflicted: Part 1

Imagine you lived in a world where you were considered less than a human simply because you had brown eyes. Now, that's a lot of people considering it's the most commonly found eye color on the planet. You'd probably start wearing contacts or look into some surgery that would permanently change your eye color (is that even possible?). The point of the matter is simply this: it would suck and you would hate it. You might even end up hating yourself because of it if the harassment escalated too far.

Now, let me tell you about the world I live in. I live in a world where people despise me, harass me, spit on me, want to kill me, all because of a trait I was born with, something I can't easily change. Not that any doctor would even consider helping me because of my "affliction," as they call it. By now, since I can't imagine any of you live in the same place I do, you're probably wondering what this "affliction" could be. I'm not going to tell you, though. Not yet. I don't know if I can trust you.

What I will tell you, though, is a story about one time when I almost got caught. It was close, really close. I must have been knocking on Death's door the entire time. Scratch that. I was definitely knocking on Death's door the entire time. Do you know what that's like? To be so close to death. It really changes a person...kind of. Not in my case, but maybe in the case of some asshole who thinks he is the world.

Have you ever been so hungry that would literally eat anything? I mean anything. Like a moldy piece of bread. Or flies, trapped in a spider's web. Or even a piece of fat from someone's meat that they chewed on and spit out because it wasn't good enough for them. It's good enough for you, though, because you're dying, literally dying, of starvation. Well, I've been that hungry. I guess it comes with being hated by society. I was that hungry when I was almost caught. It wasn't the first time I had experienced that sort of hunger, but it was the first time that it actually affected anything. Like my mind. I must have been going crazy. I thought it would be a good idea to walk down the middle of one of the busiest streets in the city.At any moment, I could have been exposed. Luckily  for me, it didn't. At least, not on the street.

On my right was a restaurant. The smell of food was taunting me mercilessly. I had to go in, it was like it was calling to me. So I went in. What I planned on doing was beyond me. I didn't have any money or anything to trade but service. It was dead silent inside the restaurant. Not a single patron around. The server wasn't anywhere to be seen. With cases full to bursting with food of all kinds, this was my chance. I reached into a heated case where a whole roasted chicken was just sitting, waiting for someone to take it. So I did. I grabbed the chicken with both of my hands and bit right into it. Right there in the restaurant. I didn't have the sense to run away with it. I had never seen so much food at once in my entire life. After a couple  of bites, I felt like I was being watched. I looked up and there was the server, staring at me in horror.

My heart was beating so fast I could feel it pounding against my chest. Blood was rushing, pounding in my ears. Chicken grasped tightly between my hands, I ran for it. Thankfully, I had enough sense to run away from the main entrance and not out onto the crowded street where I would have caused a scene. A window was open into the alleyway. I threw the chicken before leaping through it myself. Once out the window, I grabbed the chicken and continued running as fast as I could. The server was right behind me, running almost as fast as I was. I made it to the end of the alleyway before feeling like my energy was draining quickly from my body. Not that I really had much to begin with considering I'd had no food for about a week. I turned to face the server who was standing just a few feet away from me now.

"What the hell are you doing?" The server almost sounded more curious than pissed. But I noticed the weapon the server had and my already pounding heart fluttered. Shit. Shit shit shit. I could barely stand up right now, how was I going to avoid getting shot? Why hadn't the server just shot me in the first place? I said nothing, just backed away slowly. I really just wanted to live. And eat the chicken, but that was secondary to living.

"I said, WHAT THE HELL ARE YOU DOING?!" The server sounded much angrier this time. I was panting, backing away, holding onto the chicken for dear life. With an exasperated sigh, the server stepped towards me. That was the final straw. I made some weird animalistic noise (I didn't know I was even capable of that!) and rushed backwards. I fell flat on my ass, and the worst part was that my disguise had fallen off. The server's eyes widened at the realization of what I was. I was an Afflicted.

Slowly, the server lifted the gun, pointing it at me. "You...you're one of them." There was so much disgust in the server's voice I wanted to vomit. Or maybe that was the overwhelming excitement of the whole chicken thing that made me want to vomit. The server looked around as if looking for help. There was no one. We were alone. The gun lowered. Curiosity replaced the disgust on the server's face. "What's it like? Being Afflicted?"

I was astounded. I thought everyone was supposed to hate us. No words would come to me. I sat there looking dumb with nothing to say. Finally I made a gurgling noise that made the server jump. It was funny, really, seeing how scared the server was of me when, in reality, we weren't really very different.

"It's shit." They were the only words I could manage. It felt like we were finally getting comfortable with each other when a loud noise echoed behind the server. We both jumped. I grabbed my disguise, threw it back on and ran for it again. The server was looking for whatever had made the sound. When the server noticed my disappearance, I could hear the words following me, "Hey! Wait!" A gun shot rang out behind me and I ducked instinctively, trying to protect my head with the chicken that was still tightly grasped in my hands. Rounding a corner, I flew as fast as my feet could carry me back to the slums, a junkyard that housed at least one hundred, though probably more, of us "afflicted." I'd gotten away. I'd really done it. And I had enough food to last me, well, it would last as long as the chicken didn't rot.

Well, that's the story. Sorry if it wasn't as exciting as you were expecting, but oh man, you should have been there. I am honestly surprised I made it out alive and totally unharmed. That is a miracle. Maybe, if you ask nicely, I'd be willing to tell you another story sometime.

Game Review: Mass Effect 3

This is a brief review of Mass Effect 3 written for a class Game Name: Mass Effect 3 Developer: Bioware Platform Used to Play: PC Description (from official website): "Earth is burning. Striking from beyond known space, a race of terrifying machines have begun their destruction of the human race. As Commander Shepard, an Alliance Marine, your only hope for saving mankind is to rally the civilizations of the galaxy and launch one final mission to take back the Earth."

--Bioware

What did this game do that was different from its predecessors?

This was the first Mass Effect game to explore dream sequences. It also gave companions several different lines to say when not in conversations so as to give them the appearance of more depth of character. The game also utilized a new equipment system and changed the way you spend upgrade points when you level up. Mass Effect 3 also did not explore companion missions nor did it really do into the same depth as the previous games for mission descriptions.

This was also the first Mass Effect 3 game to have male homosexual relationships whereas in the first two, it was only possible for female characters to have homosexual relationships.

There was also an option, if you started a new game with no import, to choose which kind of game experience you wanted rather than a difficulty setting. This allowed a player to choose from 3 options: action based, normal, or narrative based.

Once of the biggest differences between this game and its predecessors was the ending. This was the first game in the series that required the player to extrapolate from incomplete information provided by the ending. This may be related to the fact that this was the end of the series, but it remains an important difference that has caused many players to complain.

Favorite Part about the Game (and why)

One of the best parts of Mass Effect 3 is the decisions. Not the small, easy ones, but the big ones, the ones you really need to think about before finally settling on a single choice. Even if the choices do not have a huge impact on later gameplay, or even the immediate gameplay, the choice still feels fairly significant. There are a few exceptions, but they are few and far between. Many of the choices really give the feeling of a moral choice, a choice no one would ever want to make in real life, such as choosing which race to kill off entirely. This provides excitement in a way that doesn’t require a fight sequence. It makes the player stop and think. Yes, it does occasionally break the immersion when the player chooses to make the decision on a meta level, but it doesn’t do it in a way that ruins the moment or the gameplay.

Least Favorite Part about the Game (and why)

The thing I liked the least in Mass Effect 3 was the way romance options were handled for a female Shepard. It felt as though all of the possible romance options were throwing themselves at me, most specifically, Kaiden, a human male returning from Mass Effect 1. Without ever having my character say something that could be even remotely construed as “flirty,” he still pushed forward, asking me for a romantic relationship that I was uninterested in pursuing. The same happened with several of the female characters throwing themselves at me, none of whom I was interested in pursuing a romance with. I was told that as a male Shepard, the romances are less forward, with no one trying to force an unwanted romance on you. This should be the same for females, and it made the romance part of the game feel weak and not wholly fleshed out to me.

How would you change the game to make it better?

If I were able to make changes to the game to make it better, I would change the way the Effective Military Strength was presented. It is a number that has no real meaning to the player, yet it determines how the player’s choice at the end of the game affects the rest of the universe/life/what-have-you. Depending upon how high the score is, the player may actually fail or succeed at saving earth but it also changes whether or not the player is given a third option called “Synthesis” rather than destroying all synthetic life or controlling it. Also, if the Effective Military Strength is at approx. 5000 or higher, the player may receive the “secret” ending where Shepard can be seen waking up, alive, whereas Shepard always dies in any other case. I would like to better present the meaning of Effective Military Strength so players are aware that it actually does something in the game since it really does nothing before the very end when the final mission begins. If the player is aware that the number is actually relevant at some point in the game, he or she may actually, even if he/she is not an explorer gamer type, go out searching the different galaxies to find more war assets to improve the number.

Game Review: Home

This is a brief review of Home written for a class & does contain spoilers Game Name: Home Developer: Benjamin Rivers Platform Used to Play: PC Description (from Steam store): "Home is a unique horror adventure set in a beautifully-realized pixel world. It’s a murder mystery with a twist—because you decide what ultimately happens. Awakened by an oncoming storm, you open your eyes to discover yourself in a strange, dark room—tucked away in a house that’s not yours."

-- Home, Steam Description

What did this game do that was different from its predecessors?

This game took the player and gave him/her choices that, at the time, seemed to be almost irrelevant. Should I let this mouse out of the trap or not? Do I pick up this old photograph of the dead man upstairs and his wife or not? All of the options were simple yes or no questions, nothing like Bioware’s games that give the player (at times) several options. The choices the player makes shape the story in an imperceptible way, so much so that the player may not even realize that picking up the old kitchen knife would turn their character into a murderer.

Favorite Part about the Game (and why)

In my opinion, the best part of this game was unfolding the story. The game kept the player in suspense, never really explaining anything. This kept the player moving through the story but also kept the player on the edge of his/her seat. I had to play through the same section of game multiple times in order to get through one play through, and every time, it was a little different because I would change a decision or forget to make one altogether.

Least Favorite Part about the Game (and why)

The absolute worst part of this game was that you could not save in any way, shape or form. If you needed to step away for some time, you’d have to leave the game open. If the computer decided to restart in the middle of the game, you’d have to start the whole game over from the very beginning. If the computer fell asleep, the game wouldn’t respond when the computer woke up, so you’d have to restart all over again, from the very beginning. It was a pain to say the least.

How would you change the game to make it better?

I would allow the player to save a play-through. Even if it’s only one save slot per game, at least then there would be no issue with the computer shutting down or falling asleep or even if you just need to stop playing for a moment because you need to go to class. It would also be an interesting way to keep track of the different ending you have encountered since it’s unlikely that most people will remember them all.

I would also consider making the choices at the end less obvious that they shape the story. I would have preferred if they had been the same or at least similar to the choices at the beginning—not obviously shaping the story.

Game Review: Braid

This is a brief review of Braid written for a class & does contain spoilers
Game Name: Braid
Developer: Jonathan Blow
Platform Used to Play: PC
Description (from Steam store): "Braid is a puzzle-platformer, drawn in a painterly style, where you can manipulate the flow of time in strange and unusual ways. From a house in the city, journey to a series of worlds and solve puzzles to rescue an abducted princess. In each world, you have a different power to affect the way time behaves, and it is time's strangeness that creates the puzzles."

-- Braid, Steam Description

What did this game do that was different from its predecessors?

In the past, puzzle platform games have been very straightforward with very little in the way of hidden meaning. Braid, however, does not confine itself to that stereotype. Instead, Braid offers players a hidden meaning that is there, but only really noticeable if you look for it and want it. Braid also looks to break the conventions of jumping on enemies to simply kill them and saving princesses from castles.

In addition, Braid uses an incredible set of mechanics all based around time. This provides unique and exciting gameplay as well as intriguing puzzles. With this mechanic, the game breaks away from many platformer conventions. One such convention is always moving to the right. Braid breaks this convention many, many times, requiring the player to move back and forth across levels.

Favorite Part about the Game (and why)

My favorite moment of Braid was using the puzzle pieces in World 1 to solve one of the puzzles. It was an amazing moment when that puzzle was solved. Honestly, I would have liked to see the puzzles for the other worlds used in similar ways.

While that was my favorite moment, my favorite part of the game as a whole was how each world used a unique modifier to the basic mechanic of controlling time. I loved having the ability to manipulate time in so many different ways. Not to mention, the modifications provided a lot of interesting gameplay by allowing the creation of so many different kinds of puzzles.

Least Favorite Part about the Game (and why)

While Braid is an amazing piece of art with a fabulous mechanic, the puzzles were insane. I often got too frustrated with the puzzles once I thought I had figured it out and realized I hadn’t and needed to start the whole area over again. Some of the puzzles felt impossible. It wasn’t until I found help, either online or from a friend, that I was able to get through some of the puzzles. That made the game less enjoyable, knowing that I was incapable of figuring out the puzzles on my own within a decent amount of time. I can’t count the number of times I needed to put the game down because a single puzzle had frustrated me so completely.

Another thing I am not a fan of is the use of hidden stars in the game. The stars are nearly impossible to find for anyone just playing the game. Actually, they seem to be almost impossible to find even for the players who are looking for them. A player needs to be essentially obsessed with Braid in order to find them (or use a guide online). Once they are found, they change the ending, just slightly, but enough. If a player was able to collect all eight of the stars, at the end, the player will be able to catch the princess. Once the player character touches the princess, though, she glows and explodes, the sound of a bomb going off can be heard.

How would you change the game to make it better?

One of the things I would consider changing is the difficulty curve. The game is, at the beginning, fairly easy, and very fun. Once the mechanics modifications get added into the mix, though, it felt like the level of difficulty stayed the same throughout the other four worlds with small hiccups of the insanely difficult here and there. I would have liked to see a steadier curve rather than a steep slope and a plateau.

In addition, I am unsure as to how I feel about the hidden story that Braid provides to its players. The allegory for the creation of the atomic bomb feels almost pretentious in the way it’s worked into the plot. I would have liked to see the story a little more obvious, but without being overt. It was, at times, confusing, while at other times it almost seemed like it was way too obvious. If the allegory had been integrated more evenly, I think it would have been beyond amazing. I did enjoy it, but I think it could have been done in a much better manner.