Dearest Diary,
Relationships are funny things. Two people (or more, I suppose, but for me, just two) come together and sort of agree to be more than friends. Like, yea sure, I'll always be there for you... or somesuch.
Or not.
I loved him deeply, ferociously... with a passion he probably would have preferred to see me drive my career with instead. But I loved him. After three months with him, I had fallen - hard, fast, however you want to describe it - and I kept loving him through everything.
But depression and anxiety have a funny way of making you see the worst in everything. I still love him, but all I think about is how he doesn't love me, that I'm just a chore to him, that he'd rather hang out with his friends than with me. I cry a lot. I don't want to, but I'm not sure how to stop.
I know I'd be alright without him, sure, but I don't want to be without him. He means so much to me now. I'm so terrified of losing him. But, you see... in my mind, he's already ended the relationship, and already shattered my heart into a million pieces, and it'll never be the same. Maybe it's worse because he's still here, still with me.
I am so, so happy whenever I get to spend time with him; I am so, so miserable when he leaves me behind. And I know it's all in my head, but...how do I get out of my own head? I don't know how to do this on my own. I don't know how to fix my broken heart - the heart that hasn't even been broken yet.
Love Always - yes, even when my heart is broken,
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