I have never been more afraid in my entire life. Sure, I've experienced "fear" and what not-- like when you watch a horror flick and then run down the hallway to get to the bathroom, or when you take a test after staying up all night cramming and still feel like you're going to fail-- but it's never been like this before. It has never been so...real.
For the first time in my life, I am no longer a student. I am an adult. Like a real adult. I'm supposed to have a job and make money and get married and have kids and all that...but I don't think I'm really ready. It's not just that, though. I don't have a job. It's been four months (a little over, if I'm being honest) and I still have nothing. I would have thought I'd gotten something by now. Anything. Even the worst possible job in my field, but no. Nothing. I have loans I need to start paying back soon. School wasn't cheap, man. Next thing I know, I'm going to have to get a job at the local grocery store. Then I'll get lazy. Then I'll get content. Then I'll stop even thinking about returning to my field as anything other than a long lost dream that I'll never be able to reach.
I don't particularly want to move back in with my mom, either. I don't want to become one of those guys who "lives in his mother's basement" for the rest of his life. That's just not me.
But, I mean, there's not much I can do at this point. I just have to keep applying to positions and hoping that one of them likes me-- that they want me or find merit in me and my skills. Or something like that. Guess I'll go put my application in at the grocery store. I'll need the money soon....
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