Anxious

It starts out like anything else

easy, approachable

it's not until you get there you realize:
nothing about this is easy.

how are you supposed to do this on your own

everyone expects you to do this, and
do it well, with ease

your heart pounds

your head swims

your lungs are tight as you try
to not gasp for air

the first tear falls, and you hastily
brush it away

before anyone can see that you
are not okay

if you ask for help, they'll see
you're struggling

they'll offer pity you don't want,
solutions you can't use

you'll smile politely and thank them

even though they've only made it
harder for you

you inhale deeply, ignoring the pounding
in your chest

this is your last chance to turn away

you almost do

then you remember

this is your dream

you build yourself up, use your friends
for support

you turn back to face it, and
it's not so scary anymore

even if your heart still pounds

your head still swims

your lungs are still tight as you try
to not gasp for air

the support of your friends feels
weak

but you know it's strong

tears fall like rain

and even though your friends
are there to support you

no one is there to help
wipe away the tears

you have their support but
you're always alone