Writing Doodle 034 - Once Upon A Time

Once upon a time, there lived a princess. She grew up, dreaming of true love, with hope in her heart. One day, she met a prince, and she thought that she must have been in love. He was so confident and wonderful! He took her away, and locked her in a tower.

For a time, the princess was happy in her tower. She felt safe and protected. Oh how the prince must love me, she thought, for he cannot bear to see me come to harm, and so he keeps me locked away safe in this tower! And she was happy.

A year passed, and the prince threatened to leave the princess, throw her from the tower. The princess was terrified, and horribly saddened. She spent more and more time outside the tower, and just as she was getting used to being out in the world alone again, the prince begged her to come back. Thinking it was destiny that had pulled her back to the prince, she agreed, and back to the tower she went, locked away from the world, and safe.

Another year rolled by. The princess, and the tower, were moved to a new kingdom with the prince. It was beautiful there, and the princess began to long for the things outside her tower. Yet the prince kept her there. Thinking the prince knew best, and that he was only trying to protect her, she stayed.

It was the middle of the princess's third year locked in the tower when she got a message that her father had gone missing. The princess's mother was devastated, as was her younger sister. But the princess could do nothing to help her grieving family. The kingdom the prince had moved her to needed her so badly, that were she to leave, even just for a day, the kingdom would crumble, and the princess would be held responsible. She wrote to her mother and sister constantly, reassuring them that they were better off, that the wounds would heal in time. Oh, how she longed to leave the tower.

The princess felt as though she were wilting, locked away. The prince had broken her. He had made her believe that she was nothing with him and the protection his tower provided her. Then one day, the prince brought another princess to the tower. The princess was surprised and hurt. The prince did not hide the second princess, but the princess wondered why she wasn't enough for him. It wasn't until that moment, when he'd made her truly feel worthless, that she realized she was better than this.

She knew she had to escape from the tower.

Leaning from her window, she met a young handsome man. He claimed he was a knight, and he made the princess smile. She had not smiled for quite some time. He was going to help her from the tower, he had promised. She waited for him. Days passed, weeks passed, and soon it had been over a month, and the princess had not heard from her knight. He had abandoned her. She wept for herself then, thinking the worst of herself, yet knowing she did not belong in this tower.

Another month went by. The prince had taken the second princess away, but she had written the princess, claiming to have escaped. The princess took a deep breath and lept from the tower, leaving behind only a note for the prince, telling him she no longer loved him, and wasn't sure she really ever did.

It was a surprise to the princess to find that the leap from the tower was nothing to be afraid of. She landed in a warm pool and swam for some time before leaving the water behind. A smile had come to rest on her lips as she walked freely through the kingdom, making friends. One night, as she was spending time with her new friends, the prince came to her, begging her to speak with him. Being the kind-hearted soul she was, she obliged. The prince tried to convince her she had made a mistake, that in a few months time, she should return to the tower - just to be sure. Seeing no harm in the deal, the princess agreed and sent the weeping prince on his way.

Months passed. The princess was finally beginning to feel good about herself. She had even gone dancing with a man from the village. But, as she promised, she returned to the tower. The prince had paintings of other princesses hanging on the walls. He told her that he was over her. Really, he was just trying to make her jealous. The princess did not fall for the prince's trap, however. The next morning, she left, happier than even the day before.

The man from the village brought her a rose, asked her with a hand-written note to be his. The princess, feeling nothing for his kind man, turned him down. She had decided she wasn't ready to belong to someone again. But she didn't see the harm in sharing a dinner here and there with a man who fancied her.

That was when she met the knighted prince. She had dinner with him just once, but everything felt different. It was just so wonderful, and she felt like she could have spent all night just talking about nothing, if he had only stayed. None of the others gave her the same feeling. In fact, they were all rather dull in comparison.

The princess followed the knighted prince as he smiled down at her from atop his horse. He was everything she had ever dreamed of. They began seeing one another in secret. It was nearly three months before they announced their engagement to the kingdom, but in those three months, the princess had fallen quite deeply in love with the knighted prince. She imagined what their wedding would be like, and hoped it would come quickly.

The princess was happy with the knighted prince. He was kind to her, and so supportive. She began to feel like she was valuable, and was able to be happy. Really, truly happy. It didn't matter if he were by her side at all times, as long as he loved her, she knew she would be the happiest princess in the world. Her confidence was building, and she even went out and did things she never thought she'd be able to. She had even gotten a position in a small kingdom supporting the ruler, and all this while her knighted prince was away for three long months.

It felt like it had been forever when he returned. The princess was so glad to see him, and she asked him to stay the night with her. They talked quite a bit, and the princess asked if he would be returning to the land of snow - where he had been for those three months - at the end of the next harvest. The knighted prince explained that he hoped he would be asked to return, and permanently, but he did not want the princess to follow him. The princess felt her heart shatter. The confidence she had been building up, the happiness she'd learned to cultivate in herself withered. She couldn't understand why he would not want her to go with him, but he refused to talk more on it.

Months more passed, and the princess could only feel herself growing sadder and sadder. She missed the person she had been when she'd met her knighted prince - so warm, kind, and optimistic! But she didn't know how to fix herself. The knighted prince spent less and less time with her, and she began to wonder if he loved her at all.

Finally, the harvest came to an end. The knighted prince had been called to a hearing in the land of snow, and the princess knew he was going to leave her behind. She sobbed, and he held her. Finally, she turned to him, asking him why? Why didn't he want her to go with him? That was when he'd made it very clear that he did not love her. He never had.

The princess felt her heart shatter then. Of all the terrible luck she could have had, she had never expected this. She wondered why he had spent so long courting her if he did not love her. He claimed it was hope - hope that he would love her as deeply as she loved him. And yet, he did not. The princess felt her optimism draining away, and wondered if she were unlovable. If her knighted prince could not love her, then who could?

A month passed, and the knighted prince spent a lot of time with the princess. She knew it was meant as a parting, but then the knighted prince heard from the land of snow that they had found someone better suited to the position. He was devastated, and the princess did all she could to console him despite how miserable she felt herself.

The days dragged into weeks then, and still the knighted prince did not break off his ties with the princess. It was beginning to be very painful for her, watching him from afar, watching him avoid spending time with her. All she really wanted was one last touch, one last kiss, one last tender moment, but he would not oblige her.

Finally, she asked him to dinner, and it was there that she told him he did not need to worry about her any longer; that she was leaving. She said she hoped he'd be happier this way, and perhaps they could still be friends.

With a broken and heavy heart, the princess returned to her home, alone. There, she sat for days, crying and screaming, wishing for nothing but the knighted prince's love, and knowing it would never be hers.

Broken

I love you.
I know. I'm sorry.
You don't love me, do you...
I'm sorry.
Did you ever love me?
I'm sorry.
But...

Then why? Why did you stay with me?
Hope.

I guess I just hoped I'd wake up one day as madly in love with you as you are with me.
Oh.


Do you think we'll ever get back together?
I don't want to give you that hope.

So I guess...you don't want to be with me anymore, huh?
...I'm so sorry...



It's fine.












It's fine...

Writing Doodle 033 - Sacrifice

Imagine you're in love. Imagine you've loved that person almost the entire time you've been together. Imagine it's been a couple years, maybe even almost two and a half. Imagine the person you love explaining to you that they don't love you - that they've never loved you. Imagine asking why they've stayed with you for so long if they don't feel the same way about you as you do about them, and imagine they say they had hope that they might just wake up and feel that way one day. Imagine that you believe that wanting to love someone is really the first step towards being in love with them. Imagine you cry. A lot. Imagine the person you love is going to get a job far away and move. Imagine they don't want you to go with them. Imagine how hurt you feel when you remember the one time, over a year ago, when you asked and they said, "well, you'll have to come with me!" and you were so happy that things felt like they were working out the way you'd always imagined. Imagine that you'd decided years ago you wouldn't leave your job and move for anyone unless you were sure they were "the one." Imagine having decided you'd move for this person you love. Imagine realizing you never loved anyone before, not like this. This is different. Imagine being on the brink of depression, and that person being the only bright spot in your life, keeping you from teetering over the edge and losing yourself completely. Imagine they don't get that job. Imagine them devastated, and you feel like it's somehow your fault because you wanted to stay with them so badly. Imagine they still want to break up because they still don't love you. Imagine that they don't know how to do it, so they keep putting it off, avoiding you more and more. Imagine wanting to spend one more night in their arms, but they won't stay at your place anymore. Imagine sobbing harder than you ever have before in your entire life, your whole body in pain, and you don't know how to deal with it. Imagining feeling so alone that you almost believe no one else has ever felt this much pain and heartbreak before in the history of the universe, even though you know that can't possibly be right. Imagine deciding you'll be the one to end things because you can't take being avoided by your love any longer. Imagine you go to dinner as a couple one more time. Imagine it's basically perfect. Imagine you stop at the store before parting ways. Imagine you get in the car, and as you're driving back, you do it. You end the relationship. Imagine wanting someone else's happiness so badly that you sacrifice the only happiness you have. Imaging wanting to stay friends, but hoping you never have to see the person you love with someone else, even if you do just want them to be happy. Imagine never regretting a single moment they spent with you, but wanting to forget every second of it. Imagine being alone the night after you've broken up, and no one's around. You're completely alone. Imagine crying harder still, so hard that you're actually screaming. Imagine you're so unhappy that you've lost the will and the desire to do anything. But at least the person you love is happy now, at least you could do that one last thing for them. Imagine hoping that they appreciate your sacrifice, and that they don't realize just how much it ruined you.